One day that day will come..

This November, Juliana, my Penang friend has the greatest honour to walk the grounds of Rome, along with her mother and the rest of the pilgrimage group. They will be in the Papal city as well, going to sites I could only dream of.

In the words of the Bishop of Uganda, "These African children, to them, the Holy City is like a miracle their eyes have ever set upon." Those words mirror my own.

I should wait patiently for my time to be marvelled by the enchanted state within Rome. Only if it is His will. I feel like a prodigal daughter for the moments I have forgotten the kingdom of my Father, or defy plans He has in store for me. Let me not lapse into ungratefulness, o heart of mine.

Yet, my desire to walk on the soils of Vatican is like an ignited fire. Strong, very much alive. May this enthusiasm burns to last. It is an ongoing affair, this love story of a Catholic girl and her faith. Alas, finance is the main barrier up to this day. The struggles continue with more defeat. But hear this. I am not the least deterred. Never will I subject to this discontent or estranged fantasies. In order to win the final battle, we must remain resolute, steadfast like a rock. St Peter's strongest attribute.

Hope is a kind reminder of God's compassion. Never have I known any as merciful. To be shown the light of perseverance is the strongest pathway past journeys of calamity and chaos.

Rome was not built in a day. So is yours trully,in terms of character building.

My conversations now still centers on daily lives with add-ons of spice(a.k.a gossips) How easy it is to just let those words out of our mouth. Regrets do not bring any back. Only tainted reputation. Toning them down is another priority, more so, necessity.

Losing patience over triffle matters is another vice to be improved on and thus meditation is a form of remedy. Questions will forever be present but only a handful will be answered. I have the need to master control over conduct and potrayal of self; not for others but God Almighty. A refined speech and a polished significance are what I am on the verge of seeking.

Does this mean a total makeover? Well, it certainly feels like it. God help me. For the love of my faith, family, friends and myself, I hereby undergo this mission with a clear conscience and heart.

Audrey once commented," There more we are in tune with God the Father, the more we are in tune with His ways. Be forewarned that some will find us queer, somehow or rather. Well, I don't give a damn. It's my life and I live as I want. "
Ah, Audrey, I know exactly what you mean. I have been called that soon enough. A fanatic. An extremist even.

Amy chorused," If you ain't got faith and hope, you ain't got nothing." Spot on! Faith and hope, what are we without them?

Thank you, ladies. I guess we have angels on earth called friends, except without wings.

Vatican, wait for me.

I hope I will be permitted just a glimpse of Pope John Paul's resting place. A rose on its granite stone, the simplest gesture of remembrance to a complete stranger. Though so, he occupies a place in the heart like a warrior in this plague and sin infested world.

One day, that day will come.

From how many winds is God protecting you? His wing, at this moment, shields you. A slanderous critic heading towards your desk is interrupted by a phone call. A burglar en route to your house has a flat tire. A drunk driver runs out of gas before your car passes his. God, your guardian, protects you from: "every trap" (Psalms 91:3);"the plague that stalks in the darkness"(v.6);"the terrors of the night..the dangers of the day" (v.5)
-MAX LUCADO

Tagged by Emily and Sophia lol.

Tagged by Emily

1. What is the relationship of you and her?

Haha...sibling rivalry

2. Your 5 impressions towards her.
Has her own style. Speaks her mind. Don't care a hoot if ppl don't like her. Mess with me and I mess with you kind lol and smarties

3. The most memorable things she had done for you.
Drew me a Chi bi?lol.

4. The most memorable things she have said to you?
"Eh, wanna pierce at your cartilage? I almost died."

5. If she become your lover, you will.
eh siaw ar...my own sis OUT of the question

6. If she become your enemy, you will.
eh the house sure will crumble.

7. If she become your lover, she has to improve on.
OUT!OUT!

8. If she become your enemy, the reason is.
cannot la blood is thicker than water.
9. The most desirable thing to do on her is?
paint her face coolly like in Harajuku

10. The overall impression of her is.
Harajuku queen and Reita's no. 1 fan

11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
Ah, who cares. lol

12. The character of you for yourself is?
Unstable lol. (not as in mentally unsound k?) am perfectly fine except for my emotions lol

13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
I tend to think TOOOOO much.

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
Mother Teresa?
Pope John Paul II?


15. For the people who care about and likes you, say something about them.
You rock!lol

Ten people to tag :
1. Emily Jong
2. Sophia Ngiaw
3. Amy Yao
4. Magdalene Chong
5. Aileen Basik
6. Grace Goh
7. Valerie Ong
8. Audrey Yii
9. Adeline Sim
10. Sharlene Low

Who is no. 2 having a relationship with?
wahahaha... eh Sophia.you have someone ka in mind?

Is no. 3 a male or a female?
Def female lol

If no. 7 and no. 10 were together, would it be a good thing?
OUT! lol. no.7 is getting married and no.10 is straight to the bone

How about no. 5 and 8?
Together as friends ok what, but on another context as lovers, OUT!lol

What is no. 1 studying about?
Bio and Physics

Is no. 4 single?
Nope. She's Mrs Toh lol.

Say something about no. 6?
She's a great pal.

Ok the end. Who else want to be tagged? Feel free to copy and paste hehehe.

Memoirs

Two close friends with the same vision.

Drawing strength from the power of prayers



My To-Do-List consists of going here as well.... the renowned St Peter's Square. A must!


A friend to the children



Even he needed to rest.lol.



A traveller, even in times of sickness.


A friend to the animals as well:)



The current Pope, Pope Benedict XVI, whom also is a great man. Like Pope John Paul II, HIs Holiness too replied my letter which I received two days before Christmas 2007.

How heavy are the responsibilites and duties of a Pope. We must not think their lives are easy but instead appreciate their sacrifices instead. Do not rely on what you see. The truth is more than we all can take.

God sizes up every person who comes your way. As you walk, he leads. As you sleep, he patrols.
"He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers."
-PSALM 91:4

Be not afraid

Today as I prayed in Carmelite during lunch, I prayed in communion with all the churches of the world. I closed my eyes to feel their very existence and I am blessed to find an overwhelming sense of belonging in this quiet sanctuary. Stepping out, I may be worldly again but the wonderful experience of contentment and purity of love can never be explained enough in words.

I do not deserve anything at all, I tell God. I no longer wish to ask. I long now to listen amidst the noises and distractions. His voice is audible, it is I who choose not to listen. Only now, I start to regret my ignorance. I will ask now, only once, when my day has come to return to the arms of my Father.

As imperfect as I am, humanly evil and loaded with guilt, the blood of the Creator runs inside me. For that, I ask for forgiveness, dearest Father.

I take my leave now to go home to live among the world. I will escape from time to time here to seek You. Know that this is where I will always prefer to be. We are all broken beings but we will always be His.

Do not be afraid. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.
-POPE JOHN PAUL II
St Peter's Basilica. I could pray here forever.

You make it real for me

If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling. For He orders His angels to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone. You will trample lions and poisonous snakes;you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
-PSALMS 91:9-13

I could hardly open my eyes yesterday to keep awake. Even so, do not take it as a sign that my spirits have dwindled. Rather, let it be known that thoughts are best gathered in the silence of the night, when everything else is at rest. The best time to pray is the moment you wake up, fresh before the sun and the moment you succumb to the comforts of slumber in the depths of the night.

There are no huge miracles after yesterday but at least I am grateful to be able to see in a different light. My speech, my conduct and manner do not differ much, but the soul is not chaotic and disoriented like before.

Perhaps God took pity on me in my brokenness. There are limits to my endurance. Maybe I was even walking on thin line. Well, I come to say I have been rescued.
And that God is very real. To me, that is.

I must start towards my devotion again. No doubt, I am very much conformed to the ways of the world. I confess I still am very human and I commit the mistakes any other human would.

But I pray for the strength now to overcome these trials, these temptations I so often fall into.

I cannot be an ambassador overnight for God for I have much to learn. If you speak the word of God, you must live according to the word of God. To be accused as a hypocrite will not do God any justice.

There was a wind blowing to my face as I stood out of my balcony yesterday evening. I remembered of the Pope standing at his balcony too overlooking the Vatican Square, to numerous crowds of people below, praying for his recovery a few days before he left us all. He could not speak at all in his normal voice as he just had his operation at his larynx. Nevertheless he tried. All that came out were murmurs. He shed tears then, but the crowd, God bless them, cheered.

God offers more than the possibility of protection or the likelihood of protection. Will God guard you? Is the pope Catholic? Your serenity matters to heaven. God's presence encapsulates your life. Separating you from evil is God, your guardian.
-MAX LUCADO

Totus tuus

"Please allow me to return to My Father's House." were one of his farewell whispers on April 2, 2005 despite the fact he could no longer speak due to his last operation, to those who loved him in Vatican. Even at his death bed, his humility of asking permission to go moves me to tears.
See their plight. Feel their hope and love. Their presence, however temporary clearly show the wonderful mercy and compassion of our Creator.

Mother Teresa told him before. "It comforts me to think you pray not only for me, but for everyone else." So committed are they to their calling. So much hidden sorrow and how they put up a brave front. They are not superhumans. They definitely experience doubts. But they never give up. They defy the face of danger. How many are so willing to undergo such ordeal, such responsibility?
"Here is a Pope who knows the face of pain,"quipped a nun when Pope John Paul II was elected in 1978. Born Karol Josef Wojtyla, he was the first non-Italian Pope to be elected, being a Polish. His official motto, "totus tuus" (all yours), referred to the Virgin.
" It is time to modernize," he told cardinals in the Vatican. Here is a Pope who is not in NATO, lol. ( No Action, Talk Only) as Fr Richard Ng addresses certain people of these times.

I find it too long to name these prominent figures' contribution. Theirs are memoirs worth reading. Their life stories will keep you on your toes as much as they have kept mine.

There is one thing I should want to mention. After I had watched the dvd and returned home, I received an email from a CHOICE friend of mine. It was an attachment called " Is it a coincidence?"

Intrigued I opened it. And......... inside were the pictures of Pope John Paul II from youth to his old age. It was then I broke down. I straightaway thanked my friend for the email. With it, I replied his email and said it was not a coincidence. This was a miracle. It taught me to hope and believe again. Thank you so much.

No man is an island
No man is really happy, alone
-POPE JOHN PAUL II

My deepest regret is not to meet both Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa when they were alive. Mahatma Gandhi even. But I am glad I had written several times to the Holy Father in 1998 while I was studying in KL. I had longed to go to World Youth Day 2000 and I wrote to him on my wishes. It was a shame I did not save enough for the trip. Monsignor Pedro Lopez Quintana replied on His holiness behalf for all the times I had written to him. Here I insert the letter as a
sign of my respect to a Pope who cares for everyone in the world. It is not clear though, unfortunately.

I believe I will see all these remarkable people one day when I return to the house of My Father.

Freedom is not worth having, if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. -MAHATMA GANDHI

Peace begins with a smile
-MOTHER TERESA

I ask for forgiveness
-POPE JOHN PAUL II

We are destined to do great things.

I had prayed hard in order to write this. Patience, says the Lord when I had hurled numerous pieces of paper to the wastepaper basket before publishing this particular post. I would say today is a historic day for me. Please allow me to explain why.

To begin with, today I watched the dvd of Pope John Paul II's life from the time of his election as a pope to his demise. It gave me a new sense of hope and direction.
For the past few weeks, I have been lamenting on my worries to close friends. Sighing, whining, all the normal woes of a human being. You name it, I got it,lol.Thus,I would like to thank them for their compassion and understanding.It isn't easy to put up with someone with more negativity in her head. I'll knock myself up, I promise lol. We are all in need and besides our family, we must acknowledge the fact that we have another strong support system, one we call, great friends. Praise the Lord for everything we have in our lives, in short.

Hope. Love. Charity. How lovely are those words to the ears, what more to say, when proclaimed. The very essence of human goodness and wholeness. We have a great deal of work to be done on earth. Only the courageous few dare attempt the first step. Individuals like Pope John Paul II, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi and many more I have yet to mention. Their names linger long after their departure from the world. When I watched the dvd, I was filled with remorse and awe at the same time. They are the epitome of true devotion to what they believe in. Even at their death beds, nothing in this world could ever make them waver. They are complete strangers to me, and perhaps to you too, no blood relation whatsoever...but their works, their faith, their personalities deliver messages the heart cannot deny.

Hope is how Pope John Paul II lived and let live.
Love is Mother Teresa's ambition, passion and fulfillment.
Charity is Mahatma Gandhi's vision and human freedom.

These are the chosen few whom dedicated their lives to serve God and the nation. The caretakers of the vineyard. There is no limitations to what they can do, given God's grace.Every being has different sets of uniqueness and capability. Try listening to their speeches. Prepare to be enthralled by their profound insights and genuine concern for the entire population regardless of religion and race. Dedication is a tremendous act of will-power and sacrifice. Dare you go where they set foot on? I would if given the chance.

Be not too troubled by the weight of the world on your shoulders, no matter how grave they may be. God has assured us that He would take good care of our tomorrows, if only we would let Him in. He has been standing outside since forever, in the cold, in the heat, in the sunny and rainy days. Take heart when everyone else fails you, He won't. Sometimes in the lowest point of my life, I refuse to believe that God is with me. But as in the words of Pope John Paul II, Even when you refuse to believe that God is with you in difficult times, God simply refuses to leave you.
How can I not cry to deserve such a love?

Despite all His Holiness contributions to the church and to the world, (this pope travels extensively, he cannot sit still even in sickness. Nothing wears him down, except Parkinson and failure of his nervous system) his days were outnumbered. God loved him more. He once told Mother Teresa in his visit to her humble charity home in Calcutta.
"I rather remain a Pope here, among the sick and dying."
Her words also become one he listens to. She said, "Do not think that love in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
Before her demise in September 6, 1997 he had given her the last rites as a close friend would, a fair and beloved farewell. The human heart is capable of anything, and great deeds are among them.

Doggie's update

My dog is so much better now. Praise the Lord! I didn't even pay a visit to the vet.According to dad, since my dog is a 'paria' dog, his immunity system needs to be trained. I was like, what kind of reason is that? My dog has been acting more quiet these days after the 'war'. However so, his appetite is surprisingly good and he is apparently gaining his strength. He has not lost his mood to play.Which is a good thing. You go, warrior.
Amy's opinion is that doggie is contemplating revenge in silence. lol. I was like hey, maybe! Doggie's probably as angry as I am with his attackers, or maybe many notches higher.

Today when I opened the gates upon arrival after work, doggie was charging towards me with such vigour and energy. I caught him in the nick of time. He tried to wriggle free but I forced him to remain within the house compound.
That was when I believed Amy. I think he really wanted to go after the same dogs that mauled him on Sunday. Such determination. His legs seemed to be fine and his bark as loud as ever. There was no limp, perhaps a slight one but doggie showed no fear whatsoever. He's back!

So moral of the story. We don't stay down for long. We fight and we fight well.

Sad..

I can't sleep. I feel so guilty.
I was only trying to take doggie out for a walk this evening.
He escaped and ended up being mauled by 4 dogs. Luckily dad came to the rescue. I was struggling in vain to beat the other dogs but they kept coming.Like a pack of wolves, intent on killing.

I was helpless and my stomach knotted. The dogs were viciously attacking doggie side by side.I beat two with my bare hands, but doggie was still not safe from harm. They scrambled away when dad took a large stick and aimed at all.I rushed doggie home. He was already injured on his hind legs and left front leg. I suspect some injuries at his neck too.

I was so angry I wanted to skin those blasted dogs alive.Roast them. Cut them into pieces. I'd make sure they pay if I see them again one day.

My heart breaks seeing doggie in pain.
Naturally, I got a scolding.Major bomb. But I didn't care. I kept watch on doggie until now.

As I look out of my window, I see that he is sleeping near the Volkswagen. He looks so small and fragile.
I am so taking him to the vet tomorrow.

Just one decision and doggie had to pay for the consequence. So sheltered all his life, am sure he enjoyed the price of freedom once a while. That was why he wriggled free from my clutches. How was he to know the danger before him. How was I to know either? Well, apparently that price came a little too high.
I am so angry and sad.
Why must this happen?
Why?..............
(sob sob)

I have not forgotten Noah despite the fact that I had not been updating much on accounts of him. However, this I know. If I have a son, I would like to name him Noah. As for a daughter, Azaria. How about my husband? Haha, only God knows.

After the flood, Noah built an altar to the Lord; taking one of each kind of ritually clean animal and bird, and burned them as sacrifice. The odour of sacrifice pleased the Lord and He promised never to wipe the face of the earth again. God made a covenant with Noah and his descendents together with all living beings. Noah became the first man to plant a vineyard. Speaking about vineyard, today at Blessed Sacrament, whom Fr Richard was the celebrant, he talked on the vineyard as God's chosen people. It is not enough to have many leaves but it is far better to be fruitful. Noah is like a fruitful vineyard together with the many descendents after him, nation by nation.

Noah was not tainted with the sins of the world. Even when he was tempted, he showed no signs of giving in. For that reason alone, God chose him and was very pleased with him. How fortunate would we be if we were to encounter such an individual in this century. Or marry one.lol. But then again, there is always something attractive about badass guys.(Kick myself) Bad to the bone, you name it.Ops did I just say that? Well, I quote opinions. Not necessarily mine, that is :D With a guy like Noah, I should think I would not be intimidated by him simply because he is so good, loving and God-abiding. I have not crossed path with many good hearted people so far.The precious few are those whom I will treasure till the day I cease in existence. For the many battles I choose to stay down, they persisted endlessly to pick me up, eager for me to greet the new dawn.

If I have just one superpower to inherit, please bless me to be a happiness giver, rectifying my guilt in the past. My role model will always be Mother Teresa. There is so much sadness in the world we do not speak of. We either move on or ignore because we ourselves have our own lives to worry about. Even that is a handful. There is a saying, if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of others?

The Carmelite sisters ask me occasionally. What do you really want to do with your life?

Surprisingly I am left clueless. There are times when we are trampled by people when we are just trying to be nice.Hello. Well, I for one, would not let such manipulators have their way again. On a bad day, these are my thoughts.

"You know what? I hate comparisons. I am not built to be a superwoman. I am not cut-out to be a freaking millionaire or whatever crap you want me to be. I definitely hate those who DO NOT appreciate me. Well, go to hell. I don't even like you at all for putting me down like a piece of sh*t."
There I've said it.

We cry in our silence.
We smile through our tears.
We say yes when we actually mean no.
Stop pushing us to the limit.
Please.
The least, tell us we deserve happiness,
for the wonderful person we are.
Is that so hard?

I do not get angry without a reason, God forbid. And because I love Him, and because He died for me on the cross I love the very people that persecute, laugh and ridicule me. Stone me for all I care. Hate is a one time adjective soothed only by the love of God. If I hate someone, it would mean I hate God too. Why allow that?

So be nice. Don't make me hate you. You need to know I really don't want to.