I am inclined to disobey:)

Haha, that got me thinking. I mean human disobedience. I am guilty of that almost always, although I try to curb my bad ways. Disobedience can mean a lot of things; even the little things we refuse to do.

There are times when we are told not to do a certain thing and yet we defy and go ahead only to suffer the consequence in the end.Do we really need to learn from mistakes when we can actually avoid them? Right now I am having doubts about my vocation. So much that I cannot sleep at night.

Thank goodness for bible studies on my own and late nights msn chats. I know it won't do any good to my health, but I still persist. See what I mean about disobedience? lol.
Regarding vocation, it would be nice to get married, have a great husband who loves you and care for you and children to dote on and doted by but I can't seem to meet him at all. Maybe he'll never pass my way, lol. Anyway, I have two other options, singlehood and religious. If I am destined to be single, I would work so hard to earn so much money to be able to do the things I love in life. For example, travelling, social work and of course to be able to possess my own house(a single storey semi-d is sufficient for my comfort) and car( I want to upgrade my kelisa hehe, but I won't sell it ever, as memories mean a lot to me) If I ever become rich I want to upgrade my parents' status as in their posessions. I also want them to spend more free time together and go to church more often. They worked all their lives for our sake. It's time I do the same.

I am ashamed I cannot do that now. They have done so much for me. I feel unfilial already. But then again, there is this question at the back of my mind. What if God intended me to be a religious? Sad to say I am too attracted to the world to give it all up for a life of contemplation and union with God. Call me selfish, because I think I am.

If that is my real vocation, I must try to make it work as well and put an end to choosing between singlehood and marriage. The problem is I am so uncertain. I also desire to give God my best. He is the reason why I am here and I have not returned to Him yet simply because my mission is incomplete.

Help!I am suffering from brain traffic jams now. I have to reorganize my thoughts now.
Until then, till my next post. Tata.

Human Disobedience

Man and woman lived happily in the garden until one day the woman was approached by the snake.

The snake was the most cunning animal God had made. The snake said to her, "Did God really tell you not to eat fruit from any tree in the garden?" She told him about the tree of life in the middle of the garden. The snake tempted her to eat from that tree as she will be like God; able to differ from good and bad. The woman saw how beautiful the tree was and she had a longing desire for wisdom. So she took some of the fruits and ate them. She also gave some to her husband and he too ate the fruit.

They knew then they had done something wrong and they understood their natural condition. Ashamed, they covered themselves and decided to hide from God.

God called for the man still. He knew the man had eaten the forbidden fruit. The man said that it was the woman who gave him the fruit while the woman went into a defense and said that the snake tricked her into eating it.

God pronounced judgement upon all three and condemned the snake to crawl on its belly, and eat dust for as long as it lives. The woman will hate the snake, her offspring and the snake's will be enemies forever, hers will crush the snake's head and the snake's will bite her offspring's heel.

As for the woman, God will increase her trouble in pregnancy and pain in giving birth. She will also be subjected to her husband.

Then he told the man that he will have to work hard to support himself and his family, ploughing the grounds in sweat and peril. God also mentioned to man that he was made from soil so he would be soil again.

Adam named his wife Eve and God clothed them. Then He sent them out of the Garden of Eve to cultivate the soil which they had been formed. They were no longer allowed near the tree of life, and their immortality were stripped from them.
God put living creatures and a flaming sword that turned in all directions. This was to prohibit anyone from coming near the tree of life.

The worst prison would be a closed heart.
Pope John Paul II

The Garden of Eden

Yesterday before I slept I highlighted some points in the bible.( in yellow) Opps, it kind of made a mess as the pages were quite fragile. Anyway, I decided to do notes instead to protect the bible from wear and tear, lol.

So moving onwards, this time let us read through on the garden of Eve. It is not known where exactly is the location but theologians can only gather that it is situated as depicted in the map I include here.

Red star indicates the location

God planted the Garden of Eden, in the east. Then he created man and put him there. He made all kinds of trees that produced good fruit. In the middle of the garden, stood the tree that gives life and the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and bad.

A stream flowed in Eden and beyond it, there were four rivers. The first river is the Pishon (pure gold and rare perfumes as well as precious stones could be found there). The second river is the Gihon, the third, Tigris and the fourth, Euphrates.

God warned Adam not to eat the fruit in the middle of the garden because the consequence was death on the same day. God took pity on man who was alone, so he first made animals and birds from soil to accompany man, but not one was suitable for him. God then put him to sleep and took one of his ribs. Hence a woman was she called, as she was taken from a man.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother to be united to his wife, and they become one.

It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh.
Agnes Repplier

Feelings

Maturity begins to grow when you sense your concern for others outweigh your concerns for yourself.
John MacNoughton

Celebrating our ability to feel is a way to be fully free.

Who am I? I sometimes question. I get a little disoriented in life occasionally and in search for answers I stop by for some peace of mind here, in this prayer room. This is where I find so much comfort. Here I can be myself and express without restrains the feelings stored within.(Ok, I look too goofy here. Thanks to Emz the photographer.heh.Do not be deceived with my look though. There is always a deep wound hidden in a smile.)

( My hiding sanctuary for private conversions with God and Mother Mary)

I had a small talk with a friend today. I told her I was bombarded with some questions of faith from an atheist friend of mine. To my complete horror, he knew more of the bible than myself. All of a sudden, shame overwhelmed me. For someone who loves God so much, I could not even defend His honour, or fight till my last breath. I thought to myself, my purpose was not to win any arguments. To me, we were in the middle of a discussion. Yet, I was saddened with the fact that he no longer went to church and stop believing in God. There was a time when he helped out a lot in church and he even introduced to me the book "Left Behind". I felt he was drawn to God then, despite being an atheist. Somehow it all changed. In conclusion, he did not find for what he sought for. In a desperate attempt to convince him, I tried to reason. It all failed. In that way, I felt I had failed Him. I watched in despair, as he made his choice. He told me to read the bible instead, that I'd find truth there why he turned against God. How ironic, is it not? Here, I began acknowledging my powerlessness. I grabbed my bible that day and vowed to read bit by bit everyday. I felt sad that he never knew the love that God was capable of giving and how unconditional that love is.

I must make amends. I hope the realization did not come too late. I still hope he would trully believe some day. Life can be so lonely without anyone to turn to.

It is not the desert island nor the stony wilderness that cuts you from the people you love. It is the wilderness in the mind, the desert wastes in the heart through which one wanders lost and a stranger. When one is stranger to oneself then one is estranged from others too.
Anne Morrow Lindberg

Anyway, I saw that guy again. ( You know, the one in my previous post?) Yeah, and I know where exactly he work as and as what, lol. No no, don't get me wrong, I was not stalking him. It was just that I happened to bump into him there and then. At a closer look, his sharp features made him fierce. Yeah... really... 'siong'. (laughs)
I wish I can write more about him but I don't know him. He's like a complete stranger who captures the eye with just a glance. Lame isn't it, just because he stands out in the crowd.

Oh and I am absolutely in love with this furniture I saw at Green Gallery. Please please don't askme the price. I could just die in disappointment. I have a thing for furnitures. I am soooo into interior designing but am so pathetically broke to afford anything. :( A simple home can be transformed into a classy , assemble of art given the right set (a bit too dark, but do blame it on my L6 haha)

of furnitures, matching wallpapers, flooring etc.

God, please please rain on me some wealth, if not for me at least for my family. lol. There I go again wishing for something I don't deserve haha.

Tonight, I will look into the Old Testament, the book of Genesis, beginning with the creation of the universe and human beings.
Genesis means "origin". While this book tells stories about people, it is the first and foremost an account of what God has done. It begins with the affirmation that God created the universe and it ends with a promise that God will continue to show his concern for his people. Throughout the book, the main character is God, who judges and punishes those who do wrong, leads and helps his people, and shapes their history. This ancient book was written to record the story of a people's faith and help keep that faith alive.

Genesis is divided into two parts:

Chapter 1-11: The creation of the world and the early history of the human race. Here are the accounts of Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah and the flood,and the Tower of Babylon.

Chapter 12-50: The history of the early ancestors of the Israelites. The first is Abraham, who was noted for his faith and his obedience to God. Then follow the stories of his son Isaac, the grandson Jacob(also called Israel) and of Jacob's twelve sons, the founder of the twelve tribes of Israel. Special attention is given to one of the sons, Joseph, and the events that brought Jacob and his other sons with their families to live in Egypt.

Although my atheist friend asked me to read Deutronomy first, I decided to get back to basics, lol.

There's something romantic about driving in the rain during sunset. My L6 was not in its prime in capturing but at least this picture was better than nothing:)

(wah, so blurrr,lol)

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority
Ralph W. Sackman

If only my thoughts come in clearly...

I feel like taking another holiday again. Hence I allow myself some time to reflect in the rain.lol.
Life is too short to let it pass by. We can never be too sure how many miracles we've missed along the way.

I wish I knew what God has in store for me. I have concerns that I am trying my best to deal with, willing myself to be persevering in the face of any storms.

I do not want to be swept away into delirium or lose myself in the freedom I have sometimes once in a while. I want to make good use of my time. I just don't know how.

There's always something magical about the life we're living in. We take things for granted too easily that we forgot how significant it is to carry ourselves in the lives we are bestowed. Seems only like yesterday I was a child with no worries in the world. Today, I am a grown woman with (oh why oh why must I mention,lol) childlike behaviour. Seriously. Perhaps it's hard to let go of the past. I look at my parents. They have aged, and they are all I have. My siblings have also grown up, including my youngest in her sweet sixteen and we're all a set of different generations.
I hope I am doing what's right. I may not be successful now being so unsure of the future but I hope things will change in the coming days.We have the power to make or break.

Until then I will dream of the September rain , revelling in it, if only it will make me wiser.

It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has.

Henry Ward Beecher