The Glory of Christmas

God's greatest gift.
Comes in the form of flesh and blood.
Only a baby, but a King in humble disguise.

Emmanuel.
For He is with us.
This message rings clear.
There is one word that signifies his coming-ordinary. So doesn't that tell a lot?

"Rather than dismiss our sins, he assumes our sins."-Max Lucado.

This is what I call unconditional grace.
Freedom and pardon for the unworthy.
A celebration.
A glorification.
A sacred delight.

So come closer.
Search for the star.
Listen to the breeze in the silence of the early morning.
And breathe...............

We have the assurance of God's love, always.
And in Christmas, we find an unfailing love.

Alone Time

I welcome solidarity. It is not an enemy.

Instead, I choose to indulge in it, the peace and quiet it offers. Edginess has no place here.

I am my own master, this moment. I have to admit. I am a dissatisfied person. I tend to compare myself with those around me, particularly the rich. I wanted, dreamt of their cosy, luxurious life. I desired money for power and pleasure.

I told God, I could contribute more if I were suddenly bestowed wealth. I really meant it. Come to think of it, perhaps God is not granting such a request, due to my finance management. I need not explain further. Thus I am who I am today. Unless I prove myself worthy, I must never be ungrateful with the comfortable life I have now.

I have shared dreams with my Creator. I told him of my longing for a 4WD, lol. I feel somehow mighty driving my father's Pajero. The ability to handle the big and sturdy vehicle. Yet I honestly do not think I can keep up with the maintenance expenses, not with my current salary. I try not to voice out my intention to drive my father's pride and joy. I am sort of prohibited. It was like a forbidden fruit to me. Thus, I better keep my distance. Give it another 15 years or so, for my cup of tea.

Then, I also need to consider a roof over my head. A simple house would do. With a nice compound, easy to look after. I rather have one nearer to the city in a safe neighbourhood. I contemplate on an apartment but resell value seems not to my favour. In any case, I am opting for a single storey terraced unit, inclusive of a ferocious man's best friend to keep me company. Renovations will be reviewed only when there is excess budget.

All of these are possible only if I have the financial means. To achieve it, I need to work extremely hard over the years. In that process, I also strive to prioritize God. For He is my counsellor. My planner.

In Him, even the impossible is possible.

Feelings

When I feel feelings, I have opportunity to learn something new about myself.

I think I am stronger than I believe I really am. I may be broken but I am convinced I am not beaten.

Why?
Because today I am with Him.
He drives with me.
He listens to my music.
He sees what I see.
Most of all, He is changing me.
From the inside.
From the outside.

Somehow, I am different.Words cannot express it. Especially when I am infused with the right kind of emotion. Music.I guess a part of it wakes the senses. Rescues me from my emptiness. Refuses to listen to my excuses.

I take this fall.
But I also stand against it.
I can hear Him now.

True, I go about the same routine. I am still Taffy. Only my spirits shed its shadow.He told me to breathe easy. Slowly. Then feel it all within. Soar with it. Hold on to it. Grow with it. Completely. Love it with a fire that cannot be put out. I would have never felt the magical part of healing if I was never induced to seek the cure. It is easy to fall prey to temptation. However, choices will discern the ultimate fate. Perspective. Change it. Only if you want to BELIEVE it.

Lost but now I am found. Poor but I know I am blessed. Resistant to shock. Flexible to learn. Able to comprehend. The task now is practising humility. It helps me to focus on the things I do not put as priority initially. It is not too late to start afresh.

Our God is a God of Open Arms. His is a Healing Touch.

Tonight, before I write this, I dimmed the lights,reflected a bit, gathered thoughts and motivated myself for a new tomorrow. You see, too long have I punished myself for being me. This time, I won't. I'm going to persevere and celebrate being uniquely me. And this time too, I am doing it with a contented smile.

'Let Him live long enough in a heart, and that heart will begin to change. Potraits of hurt will be replaced with landscapes of grace'-Max Lucado.

Celebrating my ability to feel is a way to be fully free.

My listening heart

My writings these days are inspired by the works of Max Lucado and my raging emotions.

How long has it been since I last let God have me; my time, my devotion? How unfortunate it is that I have allowed the world to drown me, till His Voice I hear no longer. The darkness is consuming, busy schedules overwhelming. Did I somehow forget how to pray? Finally, heartaches almost destroy me.
My feeble spirit and heart!

For the past week, my nights were spent with the bible in my arms. I could close my eyes in its comfort, dozing off in the occasional downpours of the early dawn. Why was sleep so excruciatingly scarce? It was a tale of truth and dare that lead to some misery. The response was one I half expected, yet not inclined to believe.

Sometimes, we have the fullest of faith in friends. We will sit down and talk, no matter how awkward the situation turns out to be.

But no. I was left clueless. For what? Was I that insignificant? Those who love me will never leave me hanging. Or weary with assumptions.

In the end, I stopped wondering. Hope too followed suit. It left me shattered partially.

People think they know me. But they don't, really. Define closeness and I will be denied.
Only few dared look deeper. The few that actually knew me and saw through me with compassion. I would have sunk deeper without their immovable trust in my character.

Without such test, I would not have drawn closer to Him. Listening to Him now is a tool of emotional expression.

"He used to be so caring, God."
(Things change, People change, I'm sorry.)

"He knew me so well, okay, almost."
(Sometimes you think you love the person who know you most, but you are mistaken.)

"But he says yes."
(Only when you initiate the invitation.How can you always be the one who initiate? That's not love, is it? And where is he now? No news, right?)

So I sat up on the bed these nights, thinking.
Was it not obvious?
Then who was I kidding?

So I turned off my phone.
Logged out of yahoo mail.
Fished out "God Came Near" and began to read.

And suddenly it did not seem so difficult anymore.

I only need to listen.
I need not be a wreck over someone who will never love me back.
Instead, I'll focus on the great people who love me.

Those who never give excuses.
Those who are not afraid of confrontation.

"He would have gone all out to tell you, but he didn't. Thus you know, I know, very well, he is not the one for you."

This concludes the drama, mine.

When I wake up tomorrow, I wish for the sunrise to clear the air.

As for those who walk along the same path of rejection, do not be so down hearted.
In time, we'll see greener pastures and clearer streams.

On the other hand, do not get me wrong.

I do not hate the person who reject me.
He has made his choice and has every right to do so.
I respect him for not leading me on.
For I also believe in a mutual love.
I don't need anyone's pity.
I'm just not the one for him.
And likewise.

It's not about me, it's about You.

It's not about me.
It's about Someone who matters more than me.
And He comes as suddenly as a whisper,maybe even a sigh.
We always thought to an extend what life offers can make us happy.

It's not true.

Letting go is hard to do now, but I must in order to heal again.
I believe in chances, the more in true love in its great clarity of thoughts.
I have the answer, in his silence. It has been 4 days.

I am not discouraged.
Perhaps God knew he was not the one.
God said, "You have an uncommon call to an uncommon life. Do not weep, for I will bring you peace."

So I ought to manage my gifts well and unfurl His goodness. Herald Him. After all, His coming is soon and preparations of Christmas are at hand.

One of my favourite Christian book authors, Max Lucado, says,
"You will find the cure for common life; your sweet spot. You have one, you know. Your life has a plot; your years have a theme. You can do something in a manner no one else can.
When your contributions enrich God's reputation, your days grow suddenly sweet."

Forget the heartache and the rejection.
You know someone who will never say no.

Damai day trip getaway

Yes!
I finally did run away with a close friend of mine, from the city for a bit... lol, more of an escapade to the upperside Kuching towards oceanous region:)

So here's the beginning of a journey as I made my way to....(guess the road if you're smart, heh) We proceeded anyway because it was rare that I could go out for long hours on a Sunday, given that I had attended mass yesterday to make way for today.

We both wanted some peace of mind, I wanted to throw my anxieties to the seas on the other hand, so buckled with some keropok and water bottles, we embarked on a 40 minutes journey to the serene beach of Damai. Perhaps we long for some 'damai'ness. Thus, with our heart set and hope for good weather, we were off, no turning back. The weather was a bit gloomy but thank goodness the rain was not that heavy when we reached. Damai beach was fully packed with family gatherings and company gatherings as well. Sarawak Energy and Bahagia Dagang were having their family day there. We were like 'oh there goes our tranquilness'. Anyway, we made our way to the beach and sat at a vacant hut overlooking the seas. The flag indicator was red and we experienced a slight pour. However, we rested quite comfortably, sharing thoughts and silence as well.

Let's just say we found a place to forget awhile the reality of our life, the worries all fade for a moment. Enough to calm our senses and elevate our determination.
We felt suddenly at home, the sound of waves in our ears.
What we could not find, we could have it here.
I also took the opportunity to take some snapshots, being a sucker for sceneries and (please don't mention it), the seas as well.Hence the two pictures above taken from the hut.

We had our lunch at Palm Beach Seafood Restaurant around 1pm, ordering a plate of tomato sauce kueh tiaw and a plate of oyster omelette accompanied by two teh c peng special ('kurang manis') haha. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Rating of food 4 stars:) Price.....
A plate of Tomato Sauce Kueh Tiaw for two (RM12)
A plate of Oyster Omelette S-size (RM12) but enough for two.
A glass of Teh C Peng Special (RM 2)

(Managed to take picture of this jettyside and the view overlooking the mountains from Palm Beach Seafod Restaurant)


(Okay this is the last view of the Palm Beach Seafood Restaurant exit side before we journeyed home with full stomach.)

I absolutely am grateful to God for today. I thank God for being stronger now. I brought my broken heart along to be soothed and am glad to have made it this far. As for my friend, she was also enlightened. We prayed for the best and decided to let God take care of our tomorrows.

I love Novembers and Decembers. This is when I can really go for journeys of a lifetime.
From January to October, I could hardly breathe.Nor can you see me taking liberties to plan outings.Thus, holidays are meant for a reason:)