My listening heart

My writings these days are inspired by the works of Max Lucado and my raging emotions.

How long has it been since I last let God have me; my time, my devotion? How unfortunate it is that I have allowed the world to drown me, till His Voice I hear no longer. The darkness is consuming, busy schedules overwhelming. Did I somehow forget how to pray? Finally, heartaches almost destroy me.
My feeble spirit and heart!

For the past week, my nights were spent with the bible in my arms. I could close my eyes in its comfort, dozing off in the occasional downpours of the early dawn. Why was sleep so excruciatingly scarce? It was a tale of truth and dare that lead to some misery. The response was one I half expected, yet not inclined to believe.

Sometimes, we have the fullest of faith in friends. We will sit down and talk, no matter how awkward the situation turns out to be.

But no. I was left clueless. For what? Was I that insignificant? Those who love me will never leave me hanging. Or weary with assumptions.

In the end, I stopped wondering. Hope too followed suit. It left me shattered partially.

People think they know me. But they don't, really. Define closeness and I will be denied.
Only few dared look deeper. The few that actually knew me and saw through me with compassion. I would have sunk deeper without their immovable trust in my character.

Without such test, I would not have drawn closer to Him. Listening to Him now is a tool of emotional expression.

"He used to be so caring, God."
(Things change, People change, I'm sorry.)

"He knew me so well, okay, almost."
(Sometimes you think you love the person who know you most, but you are mistaken.)

"But he says yes."
(Only when you initiate the invitation.How can you always be the one who initiate? That's not love, is it? And where is he now? No news, right?)

So I sat up on the bed these nights, thinking.
Was it not obvious?
Then who was I kidding?

So I turned off my phone.
Logged out of yahoo mail.
Fished out "God Came Near" and began to read.

And suddenly it did not seem so difficult anymore.

I only need to listen.
I need not be a wreck over someone who will never love me back.
Instead, I'll focus on the great people who love me.

Those who never give excuses.
Those who are not afraid of confrontation.

"He would have gone all out to tell you, but he didn't. Thus you know, I know, very well, he is not the one for you."

This concludes the drama, mine.

When I wake up tomorrow, I wish for the sunrise to clear the air.

As for those who walk along the same path of rejection, do not be so down hearted.
In time, we'll see greener pastures and clearer streams.

On the other hand, do not get me wrong.

I do not hate the person who reject me.
He has made his choice and has every right to do so.
I respect him for not leading me on.
For I also believe in a mutual love.
I don't need anyone's pity.
I'm just not the one for him.
And likewise.