I am inclined to disobey:)

Haha, that got me thinking. I mean human disobedience. I am guilty of that almost always, although I try to curb my bad ways. Disobedience can mean a lot of things; even the little things we refuse to do.

There are times when we are told not to do a certain thing and yet we defy and go ahead only to suffer the consequence in the end.Do we really need to learn from mistakes when we can actually avoid them? Right now I am having doubts about my vocation. So much that I cannot sleep at night.

Thank goodness for bible studies on my own and late nights msn chats. I know it won't do any good to my health, but I still persist. See what I mean about disobedience? lol.
Regarding vocation, it would be nice to get married, have a great husband who loves you and care for you and children to dote on and doted by but I can't seem to meet him at all. Maybe he'll never pass my way, lol. Anyway, I have two other options, singlehood and religious. If I am destined to be single, I would work so hard to earn so much money to be able to do the things I love in life. For example, travelling, social work and of course to be able to possess my own house(a single storey semi-d is sufficient for my comfort) and car( I want to upgrade my kelisa hehe, but I won't sell it ever, as memories mean a lot to me) If I ever become rich I want to upgrade my parents' status as in their posessions. I also want them to spend more free time together and go to church more often. They worked all their lives for our sake. It's time I do the same.

I am ashamed I cannot do that now. They have done so much for me. I feel unfilial already. But then again, there is this question at the back of my mind. What if God intended me to be a religious? Sad to say I am too attracted to the world to give it all up for a life of contemplation and union with God. Call me selfish, because I think I am.

If that is my real vocation, I must try to make it work as well and put an end to choosing between singlehood and marriage. The problem is I am so uncertain. I also desire to give God my best. He is the reason why I am here and I have not returned to Him yet simply because my mission is incomplete.

Help!I am suffering from brain traffic jams now. I have to reorganize my thoughts now.
Until then, till my next post. Tata.