Sleepless in Kuching

I am def insomniac. I don't take care of myself. I love the internet too much to even bother sleeping a proper 8 hours a day. The funny thing is, I don't know what I do, until so much time is spent online. My mum says I am married to the computer. I am anticipating more comments in the coming days. Maybe this time from my dad.
And today I don't really know what I want to blog about. Yet here I am, attempting to create something out of nothing.
Ok, so I admit. A lot of works, especially novels are left hanging in the cold. I have yet to finish Genesis even. My span of concentration is low and I get carried away with new things easily. For example, new ideas. I simply chuck the old one and get back to it another time. I must curb this unhealthy habit for my own sake. I need discipline.

Touchpoints and idiot-guides to survival in the world.

The time still ticks. I'm still here, waiting for the right time to retire to slumber. My eyes are still wide open but my head spins like a hurricane :P Can you imagine the silent turbulence then?
I wonder how many people in Kuching are still sleepless in Kuching after 1.30am. Shall we do a poll then? I'll get on it right after this then, if I know how to, that is.

I just finished updating my facebook a couple of minutes ago. Yep, yours trully is a Facebook freak. Mention MSN and I'm a goner lol.

My brain tells me... it's time for drastic changes. Wake up! Makes me ponder, what if the government too experience drastic changes? Would it be for better or worse, only God knows.

For me, I need to live up to expectations. Grow close. Grow wise. I hope I can.

My romantic self writing to no one at all.

Close your eyes,
dream of me,
if you want to, only.
I am not asking you to miss me.
I am not asking for anything at all.
I just want to know if you are real,
and if you are here for me.
I don't know who you are,
I don't even know myself,
so I'll let you go,
and I'll walk away first,
before I can ever turn back,
before I can even change my mind.


Passing by as strangers,
are we playing medleys?
hoping to find one another,
in the midst of the crowd?
what if we weren't suppose to be?
and what if we just leave it at that?
Can I ever ever know you at all?
what a shame.
I can almost feel you,
beating, resoundingly.
But a vision of you, unclear.
and memories, they don't know you too.


I stand in the rain,
and I walk in it,alone.
Maybe one day you will feel my pain,
of not knowing what to do,
when it comes to you.

What you keep to yourself, you lose, what you give away, you keep forever. Axel Munthe

Back to The Origins lol

Actually, I was a little tired to blog on bible studies yesterday even when I had my internet connection restored to perfection,haha. Thus, here I am again to summarize what I read before bed yesterday.

This part involves the lives of Adam and Eve after the Garden of Eden. Eve gave birth to two sons, Abel and Cain. Abel was a shepherd while Cain was a farmer. All was well for the family, until God rejected Cain's sacrifice offerings of some of his harvest and accepted Abel's, the best parts of the first lamb born of one of his sheeps. God only wanted to show Cain that he had sinned and not the fact that He preferred Abel's offerings.

Yet out of jealousy, Cain murdered his own sibling in the field, provoking God's anger.God sentenced him to a barren existence. Nothing could grow out of his own hand. He can no longer plough his field nor any land. Cain pleaded for mercy since he would be a homeless wanderer, fearing he would eventually be killed.

God however told Cain that if anyone kills him, seven lives will be taken in revenge. Having said that, God put a mark on Cain to ward any attempted murder on him. Cain left and lived in a land called 'Wandering' which was in the east of Eden. There he married and had a son called Enoch, whom Cain's city was named after.

Eve, after the death of Abel, gave birth to Seth. Adam and Eve lived a great deal of years and had many descendants. People in those days could lived up to 900 years. Amazing. Upcoming post will be touching on Noah and the great flood.

Drat! I put on weight these few months. I will not disclose the actual figure, lol but it has devastated me. Goodbye glorious food! Time for some strict regime to keep fit. I want to look gorgeous. Wait, wait. I want to stay healthy too!Oh if only I can be persistent enough to go all the way for a new 'me'. I need motivation.Lots and lots of that, haha.

It has also been a week since I last saw Mr Mysterious. What was I thinking lol. Maybe he's just a sight for sore eyes. All right Miss Prim and Proper, behave yourself! ( I am, I am. HONEST) lol.

It is raining still..maybe it is not one of those showers that is here one minute and gone the next, as I had so boldly assumed. Maybe none of them are. After all, life itself is a chain of rainy days. But there are times when not all of us have umbrellas to walk under. Those are the times when we need people who are willing to lend their umbrellas to a wet stranger on a rainy day. I think I'll go for a walk with my umbrella.
Sun-Young Park

At last! Phew.

Modem entirely fixed. Wireless connection, configured. So there is no excuse for me not to blog, except plain laziness.Hehe.

Happy MoonCake Festival! The Chinese celebrates the Mid Autumn Festival, known locally as Mooncake Festival, on the 15th day of the eighth lunar month which falls today. Children in my neighbourhood are playing brightly -lit lanterns joyously as I type along. Tried any mooncakes? Bet everyone did. Macam macam ada. lol. Even yoghurt flavoured.

To explain my disappearance two nights previously, it was due to a blackout on Thursday afternoon, followed by lightning. And that blasted lightning got to my modem. Rentungla the component inside. I declared my modem r.i.p before sending it to the nearest Telekom branch, which was Batu Lintang on the next day. Thank goodness for the one year warranty or else have to fork out the moo-lah. On the same night too, while teaching the students in MJC, another power supply failure ensued sans the lightning. Needless to say, the whole MJC was in total darkness. Nicee. If it was another occurence of chain blackout in the whole state, be sure to hear numerous rounds of complain from the public. Not that I'm putting too much blame on SESCO or anything, sometimes these things are unavoidable, but without electricity, you might as well put my life or many lives on hold.

The consequence of no electricity for me, that is;
1. no internet ( I am a Facebook freak and MSN enthusiast)
Please listen to Hitz.fm for Rudy and JJ's rendition of "Hey hey you you, why aren't you on facebook?"

2. blur visibility at home (need light to mandi and other stuff too ma)

3. cool air from the fan or aircond (to keep the temperature ma, or else sweat like a oink oink)

The state of darkness only lasted for 30 minutes! Nasib, nasib. On Friday I was still internet-less. But thank goodness for the electricity.

So a friend of mine ar, very ho sim la, she introduced to me someone who could reconfigure my internet connection to keep me up on my toes especially in the online world.
After much cham-siong and all, he came on Saturday morning to work some magic that I failed to do myself, even after abusing my computer for answer. (Don't worry, no kicking involved)After less than an hour, he got it running just like that. Should I call it easy money for him? wahahhaa. Anyway, I changed my PCI Adapter to D-Link. I could then enjoy the full benefits of the internet. Chewah,haha. Service charge was RM50 and my PCI adapter was Rm40. I don't know if it's reasonable but he claims it is. Whatever it is I got my internet back and I am delirious. If I am somewhat overcharged, I'd pay him a visit for refunds!(just kidding)

All that settled, let's move on.I know I am a bit too old to listen to Jesse McCartney, he's like so freaking young compared to me, but I must say I absolutely love this song of his, "Just So You Know" taken from Princess Diaries II.

http://www.mp3lyrics.org/ZE I shouldn't love you, but I want to I just can't turn away I shouldn't see you, but I can't move I can't look away And I dont know How to be fine when I'm not 'Cause I don't know How to make a feeling stop Just so you know This feeling's takin' control Of me and I can't help it I won't sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know It's gettin' hard to Be around you Theres so much I can't say Do you want me to hide the feelings And look the other away And I don't know How to be fine when I'm not 'Cause I don't know How to make a feeling stop Just so you know This feeling's takin' control Of me and I can't help it I wont sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know This emptiness is killin' me And I'm wonderin' why I've waited so long Lookin' back I realize it was always there, just never spoken I'm waitin' here Been waitin' here Oooh Just so you know This feeling's takin' control Of me and I can't help it I wont sit around I can't let him win now Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know Whoa Just so you know Whoa Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go Of you but I don't want to I just gotta say it all before I go Just so you know Just so you know

Well in a way it makes me feel sad and yet it doesn't really involve me you know. Like I'm consumed with helplessness, I can't figure a solution out.Maybe I just want someone to know how I feel. I hope I can. Instead of being so cold and restrained, try opening the heart, just a little. And I just want that someone to know that, it's not worth being cruel when you can always be kind.

A chemist who can extract from his heart's element, compassion, respect, longing,
patience, regret, surprise and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that atom which is called love.
Kahlil Gibran

Even when someone has a doctorate it won't mean anything at all if he has no heart.

I am inclined to disobey:)

Haha, that got me thinking. I mean human disobedience. I am guilty of that almost always, although I try to curb my bad ways. Disobedience can mean a lot of things; even the little things we refuse to do.

There are times when we are told not to do a certain thing and yet we defy and go ahead only to suffer the consequence in the end.Do we really need to learn from mistakes when we can actually avoid them? Right now I am having doubts about my vocation. So much that I cannot sleep at night.

Thank goodness for bible studies on my own and late nights msn chats. I know it won't do any good to my health, but I still persist. See what I mean about disobedience? lol.
Regarding vocation, it would be nice to get married, have a great husband who loves you and care for you and children to dote on and doted by but I can't seem to meet him at all. Maybe he'll never pass my way, lol. Anyway, I have two other options, singlehood and religious. If I am destined to be single, I would work so hard to earn so much money to be able to do the things I love in life. For example, travelling, social work and of course to be able to possess my own house(a single storey semi-d is sufficient for my comfort) and car( I want to upgrade my kelisa hehe, but I won't sell it ever, as memories mean a lot to me) If I ever become rich I want to upgrade my parents' status as in their posessions. I also want them to spend more free time together and go to church more often. They worked all their lives for our sake. It's time I do the same.

I am ashamed I cannot do that now. They have done so much for me. I feel unfilial already. But then again, there is this question at the back of my mind. What if God intended me to be a religious? Sad to say I am too attracted to the world to give it all up for a life of contemplation and union with God. Call me selfish, because I think I am.

If that is my real vocation, I must try to make it work as well and put an end to choosing between singlehood and marriage. The problem is I am so uncertain. I also desire to give God my best. He is the reason why I am here and I have not returned to Him yet simply because my mission is incomplete.

Help!I am suffering from brain traffic jams now. I have to reorganize my thoughts now.
Until then, till my next post. Tata.

Human Disobedience

Man and woman lived happily in the garden until one day the woman was approached by the snake.

The snake was the most cunning animal God had made. The snake said to her, "Did God really tell you not to eat fruit from any tree in the garden?" She told him about the tree of life in the middle of the garden. The snake tempted her to eat from that tree as she will be like God; able to differ from good and bad. The woman saw how beautiful the tree was and she had a longing desire for wisdom. So she took some of the fruits and ate them. She also gave some to her husband and he too ate the fruit.

They knew then they had done something wrong and they understood their natural condition. Ashamed, they covered themselves and decided to hide from God.

God called for the man still. He knew the man had eaten the forbidden fruit. The man said that it was the woman who gave him the fruit while the woman went into a defense and said that the snake tricked her into eating it.

God pronounced judgement upon all three and condemned the snake to crawl on its belly, and eat dust for as long as it lives. The woman will hate the snake, her offspring and the snake's will be enemies forever, hers will crush the snake's head and the snake's will bite her offspring's heel.

As for the woman, God will increase her trouble in pregnancy and pain in giving birth. She will also be subjected to her husband.

Then he told the man that he will have to work hard to support himself and his family, ploughing the grounds in sweat and peril. God also mentioned to man that he was made from soil so he would be soil again.

Adam named his wife Eve and God clothed them. Then He sent them out of the Garden of Eve to cultivate the soil which they had been formed. They were no longer allowed near the tree of life, and their immortality were stripped from them.
God put living creatures and a flaming sword that turned in all directions. This was to prohibit anyone from coming near the tree of life.

The worst prison would be a closed heart.
Pope John Paul II

The Garden of Eden

Yesterday before I slept I highlighted some points in the bible.( in yellow) Opps, it kind of made a mess as the pages were quite fragile. Anyway, I decided to do notes instead to protect the bible from wear and tear, lol.

So moving onwards, this time let us read through on the garden of Eve. It is not known where exactly is the location but theologians can only gather that it is situated as depicted in the map I include here.

Red star indicates the location

God planted the Garden of Eden, in the east. Then he created man and put him there. He made all kinds of trees that produced good fruit. In the middle of the garden, stood the tree that gives life and the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and bad.

A stream flowed in Eden and beyond it, there were four rivers. The first river is the Pishon (pure gold and rare perfumes as well as precious stones could be found there). The second river is the Gihon, the third, Tigris and the fourth, Euphrates.

God warned Adam not to eat the fruit in the middle of the garden because the consequence was death on the same day. God took pity on man who was alone, so he first made animals and birds from soil to accompany man, but not one was suitable for him. God then put him to sleep and took one of his ribs. Hence a woman was she called, as she was taken from a man.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother to be united to his wife, and they become one.

It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh.
Agnes Repplier